BOB DEE FLAUNTS HIS COPIES OF THE SGN.

DARE AT-ALADE ENDORSES THE SGN.

EDITION 26,  VOL. 3 N0. 4  EDITORIAL

“FOMI LETI KIND’ OLOWO”  - - SLAP ME SO THAT I CAN BECOME RICH…

He said “Get off this bus, Blacks are not allowed”. Rosa Parks -the Black American Seamstress told the Bus Conductor in December 1955 “No Way”, even though she was quite aware of the fact that she was … so to speak, breaking the Law in SEGREGATED BUSES.

     Barack Obama reported in THE AUDACITY OF HOPE (page 270) that “with quiet determination and unruffled dignity, Mrs. Rosa Parks had refused to surrender her seat on a bus”. With that precedent, Rosa Parks wrote a new chapter into the history of the United States of America. And, instantly, she became a STAR --- a celebrity --- a role model and a leader.

     Many years later, at her celebrated burial where there were over four thousand mourners including Senator Barack Obama (then), Jesse Jackson and AL SHARPTONS, amongst others, former US President Bill CLINTON rose to speak and described what it had been for him as a “white” Southerner to ride in SEGREGATED BUSES, how the Civil Rights movement that Rosa Parks helped spark had liberated him and his white neighbors from their own bigotry.”

     Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this impresive edition of SOMOLU GLOBAL NEWS -The SGN and are you thinking about how UZOMA OKERE will spend her windfall of a whopping one hundred million Naira? Ms. OKERE, according to THE GUARDIAN of Friday, February 5, 2010, “had allegedly refused to move away to allow the Siren - blowing convoy of a Naval Rear Admiral to pass.” And for breaking that local, crude and barbaric law on “SEGREGATED ROADS” in Nigeria, the Naval Ratings in the Admiral ‘s Convoy descended on Ms. OKERE, stripped her naked and dragged her on the road without any caution from their superior officer. Uzoma went to court and eventually, relying on documentary evidence, Justice Opeyemi OKE of the Lagos High Court, delivered a landmark judgement “on the malicious breach of the fundamental human rights of Ms. Uzoma OKERE and Abdulahi Abdulazeez by four Naval ratings and awarded one hundred million Naira costs to the Plaintiffs”.

     FOMILETI KINDO LOWO O… FOMILETI KINDO LOWO O… O… O…

     What the hell happened to good conduct at the Nigerian Navy? In those days, in the days of Rear Admiral John Akinwale WEY; ADELANWA COMMANDER KENTEBE (oh Jesus of Kent) and WOLE MADARIOLA, we used to look at the Navy in general as the most sacred of all the military. Maybe we got carried away with the style and whiteness of their ceremonial uniform but the behaviour at the Naval headquarters was the most respectable. Even when the new generation of Naval Military Governors like DEINDE JOSEPH and BIODUN OLUSANYA emerged, we still held very high in our hearts that the Nigerian Navy was the most disciplined, most respected, respectable and most stylish.

     Since Uzoma OKERE, like Rosa Parks had made history and set a precedent for ‘gentlemanism’ towards the public by the military, we call upon the United Nations Fund for women; the Nigerian Bar Association; the Federal Ministry of  Women‘s Affairs; the Citizens Forum; Gender and Development Action; the United Nations Department for Human Rights; the African Centre for Women at the United Nations Economic Commission for Africa -ECA; the African Union‘s Department on Women; the Campaign for Democracy the Chambers of Femi Falana, that of Gani Fawehinmi (of blessed memory) to revisit the Uzoma Okere ‘s case and strategically repackage THE RIGHTS OF WOMEN on the continent of Africa; to facilitate the immediate establishment of an UZOMA OKERE FOUNDATION -a non-governmental, not-for-profit and voluntary development organization that will popularize such international and regional mechanisms as the Geneva Conventions 1949; the Universal Human Rights; the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women -CEDAW (1979); the UN Convention on The Rights of The Child -CRC (1989); the Kampala Action Plan for Women and Peace; the Kigali Declaration; the Platform for Action and Beijing Declaration; and many more in this category, and then produced in a compendium so that it serves as a reference point, both for the Military (even their recruits) and students of tertiary institutions.

      Ladies and gentlemen, Capital Punishment used to be such fun in those days when your class teacher or House Master in the dormitory laid you down on your face and applied 24 strokes of the cane on your back and you would weep and cry and cry but as Africans acquired modern education. Our leaders and educators went back to the Drawing Board to redesign new strategies for moulding the attitudes of young students without the “heat“ of the cane.

     We have heard that “the respondents in the case file by Uzoma i.e the Nigerian Navy; Rear Admiral Harry Arogundade; Ratings Francis Okolo, CJ Jeremiah, S.A. Bullen and S.A. Kaniga have since given “notice of  appeal“; claiming “miscarriage of justice“ We have also heard that THE GUARDIAN of Friday, February 5, has said in its editorial that the 100 million Naira awarded to Uzoma Okere and Abdulahi Abuazeez “is perhaps a bit excessive“.

      At SOMOLU GLOBAL NEWS -The SGN, our reaction and advice to Rear Admiral Harry Arogundade ( the fearless warrior, as his name interprets in the Yoruba UNIVERSE) is that he should try as much as he can to prevent the prolonged publicity of this case in the world media, save the Nigerian Navy of the embarrassment of being endlessly referred to as the Plaintiff in this case for God‘s sake, let the sleeping dog lie.

     As far as we can recollect, the Nigerian Navy has never been embroiled in this kind of ridiculous and negative publicity, so why should it now go from hearing to  hearing and have its name dragged on and on in the mud of  this case.

       Secondly, having had a wonderfully brilliant career in the Navy all these years, AROGUNDADE should just, honorably, with all humility pay up the 100 million and let the case die a natural death even though the Press and Historians around the world will not let it. After all, it has happened, and can never be mopped up or entirely forgotten.

      The Naval Ratings who did the beating and dragging of UZOMA do not have the 100 million Naira to pay. As a matter of fact, since thy are just ratings, the only wealth that they may have is their forthcoming salaries. So, if we examine their capabilities analytically we will realize that it may take them years upon years before they can contribute 10 million Naira.

     We honestly feel a little inclined with THE GUARDIAN to conclude that 100 million cost “is perhaps a bit excessive“ but The SGN will admit that  since the Judgment is strategized to serve as a deterrent, it will affect the behaviour of the military in Africa towards their fellow countrymen and specifically women.      FOMI LETI KIN D’ OLOWO… may have been composed for UZOMA OKERE and Abdulahi Abdulazeez. And it will happen only one time in the life of a human being. Even, if at the end of the day, the appeal is granted and the 100 million is slashed by 50 percent, it still remains a windfall.      As for UZOMA and Abdulahi, we must call their attention to the fact that the experience they had on November 3, 2008 is a book that has been written by The God of Abraham, maybe they had been praying fervently over time that they should be rescued from poverty, or they were ambitious about a particular project and God promised to affirm their aspirations by using AROGUNDADE and his Naval ratings to set some historic event in motion.

     This is why the book should be written urgently with the background information on UZOMA, ABDULAHI, AROGUNDADE, The Nigerian Navy as well as the ratings.

The SGN EDITORIAL, Edition 25, Vol 3. N0. 3.

A ‘SCREAMATORIUM’ FOR THE NIGERIAN YOUTH PART II.

Oh yes, everybody needs a place where he can SCREAM!!! “Yee, Aiye mi o!!! where do I go from here,?” most especially when you have been retrenched from the bank and you can no longer provide the monthly allowance for your aged mother - who, incidentally and most unfortunately is a dying diabetic and her corpse, (if in this process she passes on) will be more expensive. You need a place to scream, more so when they say, “gentlemen don’t cry in public”.

      Who the hell said that, you ask Prince Foster Akinpelu.  Who said “gentleman don’t cry in public?” -Omase o. A gentleman will cry in public and even do it in grand style when his employer says, “I am sorry your services are no longer needed here, or that this corporation has to declare bankruptcy.

     Ladies and gentlemen, we hope that you read the first part of “A SCREAMATORIUM FOR THE NIGERIAN YOUTH”. In this edition, we want to concentrate on advising Governor Babatunde Raji FASHOLA, SAN, the Executive Governor of Lagos State, that nothing stops him from buying the concept of creating  SCREAMATORIUMS for the various communities in Somolu, Ajegunle, Iyana Ipaja, Okokomaiko, Obalende, and Ogba; as an initial effort, and that he can even go one step farther to attach a HALFWAY HOUSE to each SCREAMATORIUM, so that those who have screamed their eyes red and are willing to pick up the pieces of their lives, I mean the deportees, the accidental young widows; the retrenched; as well as the burgled; amongst others, can spend the night, at least in the HALFWAY HOUSE to re-energize and re-strategize about “THE REST OF ME” and “Where do I go from here?”.

      Oh yes, we know very well that God made men, strong enough to stand, and free to fall. Nevertheless, dear readers, we are also cognizant of the fact that “the downfall of a man is not the end of his life”. Anybody can fall at any time from any height, at any point in one’s life. Therefore, you have fallen ---- so what?. TOMODE BA SUBU, AWOWAJU, TA GBA LAGBA BA SUBU, A WEYIN WO. If suddenly, you fall and really want to cry, weep, or knock your head against the wall, walk across to the SCREAMATORIUM that is replete with a clinic.  you have enough privacy to momentarily go maaaad.

      You will have the freedom to scream yourself hoarse, and once that scenario is over and you find yourself inside the beautiful and modern/sophisticated bathroom of the SCREAMATORIUM, you are obviously bound to look in the mirror and what do you find, red eyeballs, battered cheeks and that your makeup has been smeared. In addition, as you rest your ass on the toilet seat, you get a brainwave about bean cake frying; bead making; barbing; dancing; hairdressing; events management; and many more. “After all, I am not dead”, you would say unto yourself. By the time you see Greg and Solomon in the Counseling Rooms, your head has been cooled and all the shame that beclouded your spiritual projection is gone --- you smile a little --- laugh a little and then you tell yourself “That is the story of Life”.

      Dear readers, Lagos State does not have time to wait: the rent is counting - we mean the only thing that your property owner does is mark the calendar about his very many tenants in Surulere, Ikorodu and Somolu. Since you are one of them, he will call you after three days if your rent is not paid on time.  EH!!!!!!!!!  Mr.   ajai olorunosebi,  where is this rent.  you always have a reason to be behind? even when you do not have anything to scream about. It’s a great idea to visit the SCREAMATORIUM once in a while to take a seat on the balcony to watch those who are screaming, what are they screaming about : is it shattered dreams; unplanned life; diabolical lovers; insecurity; money-less-ness; joblessness; neglect; loneliness -- actually loneliness is a very wicked phenomenon. It creeps and creeps on you until you make food your only friend and you eat everything AT sight… only to become  overweight, ugly and undesirable… I mean, I am a man, and do not want to have anything to do with a woman who is obese… and if i were a woman, i will naturally resist a man whose huge  and flabby stomach has  completely covered his “center of gravity”.

      Respectable readers of SOMOLU GLOBAL NEWS -The SGN, the HALFWAY HOUSE attached to the SCREAMATORIUM can serve very many purposes. Nigerian Professors of  Psychology can educate you about how great men fell very many times and still ended up being great.

     Look at Uncle Sam AMUKA for instance, look at the experience he had with THE PUNCH in those days before he established VANGUARD NEWSPAPER. Even though he fought a good fight, he could never have been able to establish his own newspaper if he did not have the will power.      Kunle Omotosho -the writer did not fall, what happened was that things were not moving very well for him in Nigeria and  without a SCREAMATORIUM at his disposal, he quickly moved to South Africa. Kunle Omotosho is still very much alive and making his mark on the  pages of history.      At this point in Nigeria , millions of young men and women can utilize the various services of the SCREAMATORIUM. We mean, you decide to take your girlfriend out to dinner and you have just had the most wonderful evening of your life, but on arriving at the car park, your N3.5 million Naira Jeep is gone. What do you do? You stop by at the nearest SCREAMATORIUM … or how much of the heat can you keep on the inside? Apart from the fact that your mouth feels sour, the shock preempts all the romance you were feeling at  dinner time.

      We mean, on another occasion and another time, you purchased one used car (a Tokunbo) from HE REPUBLIC OF BENIN and you count yourself as lucky because you were able to escape the payment of Import Duties to the Customs Department. As you were driving home to Ibadan from Lagos , you stopped at Ogere,  the fmr.  toll gate to get some SUYA… this clean-shaven and very well dressed gentleman tapped you on the shoulder and said, “Can I see your particulars. You took it like a joke, but since you did not pay the one hundred and fifty thousand Naira Import Duties to the Federal Government, this Custom Officer bluntly demanded the sum of  twenty thousand Naira as bribe. That was on a Friday night and the total amount of money in your pocket was exactly twelve thousand four hundred Naira… just for the weekend. At the end of the day, you ended up paying ten thousand Naira. Well, after you had paid it, you went to a nearby bush to do a hot “Number Two” even though you did not need water to flush it but it was hot anyway.

      The plan to spend the weekend in Ibadan had been exclusively frustrated. Which is the nearest SCREAMATORIUM, where you can Yell ---OLOOSI, son of a Goddamn bitch. After you sweat all over you can cool off in the SCREAMATORIUM’s bathroom and quietly drive back to your apartment.  Gradually, you resign yourself to the craftiness and shenanigans of your Custom Officer Friend.

GBENGA ADEYINKA D 1ST, Renowned Comedian, Artiste & MC Amplifies THE INTRINSIC VALUE OF THE SGN.

EDIT OPINION, THE SGN VOL 3, NO.2. 

A ‘SCREAMATORIUM’ FOR THE NIGERIAN YOUTH : WHAT NEXT? 

Every parent in Nigeria should be asking that question at this point in time.    WHAT NEXT after the FARAOUK ABUDULMUTALLAB's attempt crazily to destroy the lives of innocent citizens who were almost home for the celebrations at Christmas 2009.   What next in the line of terrorism by restless and angry Nigerian Youths:  The pampered who does not have an idea of what it feels to be hungry:  deported:  dressed down in broad daylight in the public.  What next with the unfortunate Nigerian youth who has suddenly become a migration victim and wasting away in the prison in foreign countries.    What next with the neglected Nigerian Youths who must now fend for themselves:  the one recklessly abandoned and could never find his feet;   What about the innocent refugees of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child... we mean those who have inevitably lost all their rights.

      There are lonely and angry Nigerian Youths who must express their dangerous angers by also inviting dangerous coping mechanisms like alcohol, drugs and tobacco.  Actually, there are some Youths, devastated and disillusioned, who have taken to the streets in the company of marijuana and cocaine, some of them even went one-step farther by establishing one-room apartments in the bottom of the "bottle".

       Ladies and Gentlemen of the Somolu Global News universe, welcome to this of THE SGN in the Year 2010, Happy New Year to you all.

      If your Christmas Turkey was elegantly stuffed and OVEN-ROASTED, please accept our congratulations at The SGN.  If it was ordinarily fried with donated ORORO, we also thank The God of

Abraham, because as you were chewing happily the leg of the Turkey, some people were reminiscing in the mortuary.  ENI ODUN BA BA LAIYE, KOMAA DUPE.

 If however, the closest you got to the OVEN was through a modest MEAT PIE and an OROBO during the Christmas Season, ARIRUE RI.   What is important for all of us in the Year 2010 is that we must try to develop a die-hard attitude that will enable us to cope with the shocks and vibrations that will continue to unfold in the coming months as a result of FAROUK ABDULMUTALLAB.

      WHAT NEXT? Was the question we asked at the very beginning of this article.   In our opinion at SOMOLU GLOBAL NEWS, we feel that the time has come for the Hon.  Minister of YOUTH DEVELOPMENT in Nigeria to establish what is known as a SCREAMATORIUM in each capital city in Nigeria and heavily fund it for the utilization of the Nigerian Youths.

      A SCREAMATORIUM, dear readers of the SGN is a place where you can go when you are angry:  in a state of MANIC DEPRESSION, frustration and hopelessness.   When push comes to shove and it looks like the entire world is coming to an end, please drop in at the SCREAMATORIUM in your community.   As you come into the hall, you will find the Registration Room on the right.   It is managed by a six-footer retired Army officer who is also a sharp shooter, an expert at iron pumping and a family man; he knows it all and can manage any human being.

      He welcomes you with a smile and points to the register.  Quickly you enter the necessary information.   Then you go through the door and you find this delicately beautiful lady who smiles and reminds you that the reason why she now works for the SCREAMATORIUM Is because for the first five years of her adult life, she was a prostitute and could not have been saved except for the efforts of one of the counselors at the place.   On the first day that she came in, she screamed, and screamed, punched the bags and even broke many plates and by the time she retired into the Counseling Room, she made up her mind that she would make a U-TURN about her life.

      Dear SGN readers please do not get us wrong about the nature of the SCREAMATORIUM because it is quite different from A YOUTH CENTER where you can swim, play games and even socialize.    A SCREAMATORIUM is quite different from that as it is heavy stuff.  After you part with the soothing voice of the fmr.  Prostitute, you go through a huge  iron door and enter into a large hall which looks almost like a gym but not at all.   Although there are staff members of the ‘SM’ who are keeping an eye on you through the pigeon holes in their offices,  you are left alone in this hall and you can punch the bags on the wall, you hit the walls, you can actually pick up some chinaware and throw them at the wall.  After all, you are angry, very angry and you really do not want to take your anger on anyone.   After you have destroyed an awful lot of items, you suddenly realize that you are tired.  Then a voice comes from nowhere and says, "MR.  ESANOGBOOGUN,"   you look right and left and you do not see anyone.  Nevertheless, you listen again, and the voice continues, MR.  ESAOGBOOGUN, the bathroom is down the hall on the right:    Okay, since you are exhausted and have destroyed several items, you feel like you need a quiet place at least alone. Then you move towards the bathroom and as you try to use the bathroom,   another voice comes in and says, “Once you are done in the bathroom, please call GREG AND SOLOMON.  Greg will serve you lunch and Solomon will chat with you on any subject in the world.

      You   climb upstairs and you meet Greg who serves you a hot meat with fresh fish and soft drinks.  Thanks to the COCA COLA company  which  supplies twenty crates of soft drinks to each SCREAMATORIUM around the country   After lunch, that dangerous anger is gradually disappearing from your psyche but  you still  need a stick of cigarette.   Greg regrets that cigarettes are not served at the SCREAMATORIUM and you quickly push that aside so that you can meet with Solomon who will discuss with you any subject of your choice.

 That is what you get on your first visit to the SCREAMATORIUM but the services there are too many to count.

      Dear readers, are we just going to be talking and discussing the FAROUK ABDULMUTALLAB scenario, when are we going to start strategizing the prevention of another shock? If this time around it comes from a Nigerian girl,   we are not saying that it will happen, but what if it does? What is the nature of the EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS of the Nigerian Government.  A haa! You may say that   : ‘Prince Foster Akinpelu and your crew members, you worry too much, after all, we have the NAVY, AIR FORCE, POLICE and the ARMY.”   On our part, we will say AMIN!   AMEN!!  AAAAAAAAAAMIN!!!

  Our suggestion   number 2 is that our Aunt at the House of Representatives in Abuja, FCT, MRS.  ABIKE DABIRI EREWA   of the Diaspora Affairs fame, should establish a mechanism that monitors the affairs of Nigerians in the Diaspora... every Nigerian that lives outside the shores of this country should be monitored.   Where is he located:  either he is in jail or on the floor of the American  Congress, even if he is driving the Metropolitan   Double decker Bus in the city of London,  Dabiri must record  necessary information about his activities so that when another "FAROUK ABDULMUTALLAB"  goes

berserk, Nigeria will be able to prevent the disaster.

       What is this Nigerian doing abroad:   how is he doing it:  with what, for what and for whom: ABIKE DABIRI-EREWA must now liaise with all the educational institutions around the world and in the same vein, any Nigerian that is granted an Entry Visa to any country in the world must be reported to MAMA DABIRI so that DIASPORA AFFAIRS can keep an eye on the movement. To know what Nigerian students are doing, the company they keep and how they socialize, and so on and so forth. It is important to act fast. 

An Amputee Performer/Dancer Tells The SGN that being a disable does not kill one's Talent. She strongly advises fellow disables to look inwards in order to fish out their talents. According to her knowing one's Talent will take one places.

Photo : The SGN.
Date : Dec 27, 2009.
Venue of Performance : Nigerian Soldiers' Club.

A Naked Fire Eater/Performer/Dancer showcases his Talents at an event, recently. He admires the fact that Talents abound in Africa.


Photo : The SGN.
2009 Yuletide.

Olorogun Bagostowe, Executive Chairman, SOMOLU LOCAL GOVT. COUNCIL, celebrated the 2009 Xmas with Community Members in the company of his family Members & some of his Cabinet Members. In the coziness of his Somolu Home.

Bagostowe (2nd R); Prince Foster Akinpelu (R) & other Community 

members during the xmas merry-making @ The BAGOSTOWES.

Mrs. Bagostowe, Chairperson, Somolu Community (2nd R) & other Community 

members during the xmas merry-making @ The BAGOSTOWES.

Prince Foster Akinpelu (R), Publisher, SOMOLU GLOBAL NEWS -The SGN & other 

Community members during the xmas merry-making @ The BAGOSTOWES on Xmas day.

'De Gov' a Cabinet Member of the Stowe Admin(L) & other Community 

members during the xmas merry-making @ The BAGOSTOWES.

Bagostowe (M); Uncle Willy Osha, seasoned Politician & Prince Foster Akinpelu 

during the xmas merry-making @ The BAGOSTOWES.

Prince Foster Akinpelu (R); De Gov & a Showcitian from Jand 

during the xmas merry-making @ The BAGOSTOWES.

Community members during the xmas merry-making @ The BAGOSTOWES.

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